Clarity from complexity
Android
Plain English, Please is a British humour app for anyone who has ever received an email that said "as per my last message" and needed a moment alone. It translates the passive-aggressive, the corporate, and the diplomatically catastrophic into what was actually meant — and what you're actually thinking.
The name is a phrase. It is what you want to say but cannot. The app says it for you.
Most people know what they heard. What they don't know is what to do with it. Plain English, Please passes the remark through Claude AI, which reads the context — workplace politics, family tension, a stranger being inexplicably awful — and returns three things: a brutally honest translation of what was actually meant, a polished response that will not get you fired or uninvited, and the internal monologue you are legally prohibited from saying aloud. A Twat-O-Meter rates the offender on a scale of one to five teacups.
Select the context. Type or speak what was said. Press the button. The result arrives in seconds — dry, specific, and satisfying. Translations can be saved to history or shared as an image.
Warm cream, bottle green, aged gold. Playfair Display for headings, Special Elite for body text. The aesthetic is a Victorian consulting room staffed entirely by people who have had enough. Precise, unhurried, and quietly furious.